You might be a Lutheran if. . .I've seen this several times, and laugh every time. It's on the end of a Garrison Keillor piece about singing with the Lutherans, which is delightful, although I'm not sure who added it. A friend forwarded it today, so I'm adding it for a chuckle--my comments are in brackets about our congregation, UALC. Parentheses belong to someone else.
- The following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who, observing other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:
1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.
4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins. [Not at UALC.]
5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited. [at UALC we've been applauding at least 30 years for the children, and occasionally the organist after the postlude]
7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace. [at UALC we wander around during this greeting time]
8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA bride and an LC-MS groom make for a mixed marriage. (For those of you who are not Lutherans, ELCA is Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and LC-MS is Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, two different divisions of the same Protestant religion. And when and where I grew up in Minnesota, intermarriage between the two was about as popular as Lutherans and Catholics marrying.)
10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.
12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.
13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add a little too much color.
14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
And finally, you know you're a Lutheran when:
*It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service;
*You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can;
*Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee;
*The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight;
*When you watch a 'Star Wars' movie and they say, 'May the Force be with you', you respond, 'and also with you';
*And lastly, it takes 15 minutes to say, 'Good-bye'.
Sleep each night in His keeping,
And always walk in His tender care.
Shared by a Lutheran