Lutran Airlines

I've heard this before; pretty funny--if you're Lutheran or Scandanavian. Helen sent it. If you can't get the audio to work, I've added the transcript.



Lutran Airlines
Minnesota has a new airline... YA, SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA AND MONTANA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is an upliftin experience.

Der is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of de aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you with da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599. "Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis once. In de event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so will Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't boder with doze little masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about than dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet ... sort a like driving across a plowed field; but after a while you get used to it. In de event of a water landing, I'd say, forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say 'trespass against us,' which isn't right, but what can you do?"

De use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may interfere with da plane's navigational system, which is by seats of da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den, we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now it is time I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen!"