Hold your friends close, and your wallet even closer

Summary: Older people who have a close companion friend in the place where they worship are more likely to rate their health in a favorable way over time. However, these health-related benefits emerge only among the oldest-old study participants. The data results further indicate that having a close friend at church is associated with fewer outpatient physician visits over time, but once again, the results are observed only among the oldest old. "Close Companions at Church, Health,and Health Care Use in Late Life," by Neal Krause. Journal of Aging and Health 22(4) 434–453, 2010.

Here's my take. If you have friends at church they nag you about your health and offer to take you to the doctor. But the idea that government and insurance costs can be reduced or kept in check by the oldest having close church friends really doesn't make sense. If you live to 90 instead of 85, don't you have more health related expenses than if you'd died at 85?

Do we think we're better than Jesus?

From Pastor Brad, Albertville, Alabama:

"Most of us like to get along with others. We want everyone to be our friend. We exert a great deal of energy being politically correct, choosing our words carefully so as not to offend, and generally avoiding conflict as if it were the mother of all sins. We are artists as pacifying and befriending others, often in harmful ways.

As Christians, we know that it is our duty to proclaim the gospel. We also know that, if we speak the gospel, it is going to bring conflict. If we present the gospel to an unbeliever, some nasty things are bound to come up in that conversation:


1. We actually believe that if the other person does not repent and believe in Jesus that they will die and go to hell.

2. We actually believe that they deserve hell.

3. We do not think that they are good people. We believe them to be wicked.


That's just to name a few of the potential deal-breakers if we are honest about what we believe. Jesus said things like this all the time. The Bible clearly teaches that man is sinful and that apart from the risen Savior, there is no hope at all. The Bible is clear about the reality of hell and it is equally clear that those who reject Jesus Christ deserve to go there. We know that. We believe that."

There's more. . .

How to meet a woman

For as long as I can remember, women and girls have wanted to know how to meet other compatible women and girls for friendship, hanging out, shopping, girl-talk and shared babysitting. Just yesterday, Sue Shellenbarger answered this question in her work column in the Wall Street Journal. A woman wrote to ask how to find a working mothers group in her locale. Sue replies

1. Do a web search
2. Look in a book store for a book club group
3. Check out the library
4. Call or check the web site of your local Children's Hospital family resource office
5. Start your own group
6. Sign up your child for Saturday activities and get to know other mothers.

Apparently, Sue doesn't think churches are a resource for friendship. In my experience, it's a lot easier to meet other women when you have children in the home. However, churches offer many service opportunities and classes, and these tend to be mostly for women, although some attract couples. So, I don't know if Sue just isn't aware of what's happening at her neighborhood churches and synagogues, or if houses of worship are hiding their light under a bushel except when advertising a concert or bake sale. I have a friend who is active in many organizations, more than I would ever want, and yet she recently joined Bible Study Fellowship, an international, non-denominational women's group that meets weekly at the Church at Mill Run, and she told me how much she is enjoying meeting new Christian friends in her small group. We met about 35 years ago in a church women's group and became friends. Friday I saw another woman from that same group at the coffee shop.

Since I retired I've expanded into my no-comfort zone, occasionally visiting the shut-ins and nursing home and helping in the church kitchen. But everyone new I've met is too busy with grandchildren or care taking relatives to be a friend. I joined a book club when I retired, but only see the participants (except the ones I already knew) when we meet to discuss our book selections. For a few years I painted with some women and we occasionally went to lunch and art shows.

The worst suggestion on Sue's list is to sign your kid up for one more activity so you, the mother, can have friends. If you're employed, your child is either in day care or school and doesn't need one more reason to be away from home! I think one of the reasons mothers love homeschooling is that it gives them a close knit group of friends all working toward the same goal, all with children about the same age, and living in the same area. People not familiar with homeschooling seem to think those children are isolated, but I see them doing many things together involving all the children in the family.

For many years before the 70s, and in many denominations, women were excluded from the traditional boards and political hierarchies in the church, so they just formed a parallel structure with boards, committees, service projects, separate fund raising, and a lot of chat and fellowship. Some of these structures are disappearing now and the ones that still exist have mostly older women. The mixed gender programming of today's churches may be more equitable and make more efficient use of talent, but women's friendships have suffered.